


Prelude to a Beach Holiday

by equandt



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Crack, Death, F/M, I just find him kinda annoying lol, If you do like Mike Branton maybe don't read this, Mojito time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:48:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28753893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/equandt/pseuds/equandt
Summary: It was a lovely Sunday, and for once all head personnel had a day off.
Relationships: John Sheppard/Elizabeth Weir
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Prelude to a Beach Holiday

**Author's Note:**

> I'm posting this in honor of me and my friend's Drunken Atlantis Night, to commence at approximately 17:00 EST, in which we drink many mojitos and cry over all the best Shweir episodes. I really wasn't meaning to post crack as my second "official" fic, but well...I'll just say Quibilah encouraged me to.
> 
> This er - masterpiece came about as I was brainstorming for an actual legit story, which I'm sure I'll write someday when my mind decides to actually cooperate...
> 
> This story is a tribute to Mike Branton, an underrated Stargate Atlantis character who I love very much ❤

*

It was a beautiful Sunday, the sun bright over the ocean outside as Elizabeth closed out of a report on her laptop, thinking about wrapping up her work just then. It was the first day she’d had off since…she couldn’t even remember when, and she was just thinking of heading to her quarters to change into some more comfortable clothes before heading out to one of the piers, close to the water. She was lost in her thoughts as she switched the computer off and began to close it, when a sudden voice rudely interrupted her reverie.

“Hi.” A man she had seen maybe a few times before entered…in all honesty his name escaped her and she felt a twinge of guilt, as she always made an effort to get to know everyone in the city. Though mostly, she felt her mood sinking…she wanted to go outside; what could he possibly need right now?

“Hi,” she replied, forcing a smile.

“What are you, uh, what are you doing here?”

She groaned inwardly, fighting the urge to roll her eyes…she could feel that this was going to be tedious, and sure enough, it was. Her patience was nearly at its breaking point as he insisted they have lunch together.

“Look, it’s nothing personal, but I make it a point to not have relationships with people who work for me…” May as well drive that point home, she was certainly not oblivious to the ever-strengthening rumors surrounding her and John…

“It’s not a date,” he insisted. “It’s just two people, talking, eating food…”

“Fine,” she said, gritting her teeth and trying to keep the irritation out of her voice. “I suppose you’re more appealing than a wall. But you’ll do well to remember, this is _just lunch.”_

*  


Lunch had ended, and now she found herself sitting on the balcony with this man, who she now knew went by the name of Mike Branton. She was vaguely wondering why she was still continuing to humor him; she supposed any further effort to put the rumors to rest couldn't hurt. She grudgingly admitted to herself that perhaps this rendezvous hadn’t been the _worst_ experience ever, but she was still impatient for them to part ways so she could go sit by the ocean…

He was talking, but she wasn’t really paying attention at this point. She suddenly became aware that he had moved quite a bit closer to her, and her eyes widened in alarm as he leaned closer, beginning to kiss her deeply. Heat flooded her as fury coursed through her; she jerked away, glaring at him as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

 _“What_ are you doing?” she demanded indignantly, pushing herself to her feet in complete irritation.

“Too far?” he asked mildly, appearing quite unconcerned.

“I thought I made it clear — we are _not_ on a date…”

“Hmmm, well…romantic setting, _beautiful woman_ …I dunno, looks _nothing_ like a date to me,” he teased, standing up next to her and attempting to lean in again, one hand “accidentally” brushing against her ass.

Her patience fully snapped, and she took a step back before slamming one foot squarely into his crotch, thanking Teyla for teaching her well. His reaction was spectacular; he immediately dropped like a stone as extreme pain overtook him, his eyes popping. He threw out an arm to brace himself against the railing, which began to buckle dangerously. A look of horror crossed both their faces as, unbelievably, the bolts holding in the rail gave way, and Mike disappeared from sight. Cautiously, Elizabeth approached the barrier in time to see him disappearing into the water far below.

*

“See Rodney? I _knew_ you’d love this.” Carson turned to his friend, beaming. “Nothin’ like fresh air, sunshine, a whole ocean full of…”

“Nothing,” Rodney grumbled in irritation, squinting out over the water. “Apparently this ocean is full of _nothing._ And to think of the research I could be doing right now…” he added in a much lower tone.

“Aye,” said Carson with a slight frown, turning his attention back to the water. “Ya do have a point there…we’ve been at it for two hours now and no signs of the little buggers…wonder where they could all be?” He tugged on his line hopefully, to no avail.

Suddenly the waters began to part, Rodney staring wild-eyed as the back of an enormous creature came into view.

“I think I know why we’re not getting any fish!” he shrieked, voice rising several octaves as he dropped his line and stumbled backwards.

“Aye!” exclaimed Carson, whose reaction was much the opposite. “It looks like your whale friend, Rodney! What a magnificent beast…oh…looks like…looks like he’s had lunch…” Carson’s face paled slightly as the whale’s face came into view, blood running across its lower jaw and something protruding from between its teeth…something that looked suspiciously like….

“Oh my god!” yelled Rodney, running further away from the edge of the pier. “I _knew_ it was dangerous! I don’t care what you say Carson, this fishing trip is _over.”_ He began to run again while Carson just continued to stand and stare, mouth agape, at the human arm protruding from the beast’s maw.

*

Carson had caught up with Rodney, and they had both stopped to lean against a wall outside the control room, trying to catch their breaths. It was at that moment that Elizabeth happened to approach them from down the hall, and they rushed to her.

“Elizabeth, there’s a whale…” Rodney paused to gather breath. “…there’s another whale close to the city, and it’s killed someone. Carson and I were fishing off the pier…total waste of time if you ask me, now I’m just thinking of the countless hours I could’ve spent studying the Asuran base code…”

“It had an arm in its mouth, covered in blood,” Carson broke in frantically, and Elizabeth’s eyes widened in horror.

“Oh my god!” she gasped, trying to keep her breath steady. “Mike…”

“Who!?”

“Mike Branton, he…”

_“Who!?”_

“I know, I honestly didn’t remember his existence till about an hour ago…” _And really wish I hadn’t,_ she added darkly in her mind. “Anyway, he was…well…he had the impression we were on a date…”

“Really, a date? Good for you Eliz…” Carson’s sparkling eyes quickly fell as she silenced him with a glare.

“We were _not_ on a date, and I tried to make that clear to him but still, he got…well, a bit forward…” She was starting to look very uncomfortable. “And I… _may_ have overreacted…”

She could see as each of the men quickly put two and two together, both mouthing, _“Oh…”_ Each subconsciously took the smallest step away from her.

“You mean to tell me…” Rodney started hesitantly, his eyes wide.

“Well it wasn’t on _purpose_ …” she cut in indignantly. 

“No, of course not,” Carson said breathlessly, nervously patting her arm in attempt to comfort her.

“Are you _sure_ you saw what you say you did…?” she began cautiously.

“Ya know, we’d been in the sun for a long time…”

“Ugh, tell me about it, _two hours_ in the sun, I’ll be lucky if I survive till the end of this year before succumbing to some horrible, debilitating…”

“We’d been out in the sun for quite a while,” Carson tried again, completely ignoring Rodney and placing a placating hand on Elizabeth’s shoulder. He gave her a reassuring smile. “Ya know the effect it can have on the imagination…”

“Yeah, maybe the whale was never really there at all,” Rodney said hopefully, shrugging.

Elizabeth forced a small smile, still feeling very uncomfortable…more than anything she wanted to get away to her quarters so she could sit and process things. She patted Carson’s hand and said briskly, “Well, I hope you’re right. That it was all in your head I mean…I—I think I need to sit down for a little while…”

“Would you like someone to come with you, Elizabeth?” Carson’s face was full of concern.

“No need, thank you, Carson…I’m just going to head to my quarters this way…” She forced a wider smile and started quickly walking, making it about a yard before realizing she was headed in the wrong direction. She froze, knowing the two were still standing and watching her. Keeping full composure, she turned about gracefully, smiling at them again as she indicated the correct direction and began walking rapidly, cringing just a bit as soon as she knew she was out of their view.

*  


As she was making her way to her quarters, she paused at another, familiar door, hesitating for a moment before pushing the doorbell. She waited, playing with her hands nervously.

“John,” she said instantly as soon as he greeted her at the door, her eyes wide as she tried and failed to give a convincing smile.

“Elizabeth, are you okay…?”

“I don’t know — no, I don’t think so, I think…” she took a deep, shuddering breath, wringing her hands as she looked at him a bit desperately. “Can we go in…?”

“Yeah, of course,” he said in mild bewilderment, making way for her to pass. She walked to the middle of the room, composing herself as well as she could and waiting till the door had slid fully shut before turning to face him again.

“John, I think I just killed a man.”

There was silence for a few good seconds, before his mouth quirked into a small grin, though he was still obviously confused. “Funny, you actually had me going there for a second…”

“No, _really.”_ she insisted, looking him in the eye with dead seriousness. “Mike Branton…”

“Who?” 

“Mike Branton, he’s the um…uh…oh forget it — point is, he fell into the ocean…”

“And -- it was your fault?”

“Well, I um…well he was acting quite forward with me…” She watched as John’s expression darkened. “…obnoxious really, and I really just wanted him to leave me alone so I could actually enjoy my day off, so I sort of…um, kicked him…”

“You _kicked_ him?”

“In the crotch,” she added in a rush of breathless words. She watched his face; he was clearly fighting very hard not to laugh. “And well, he sort of…well, you won’t believe this…”

“You kicked him in the balls and he fell into the ocean? Where did all this happen?”

“On the balcony,” she said in a rather strained voice, looking anywhere but him.

“The _balc…!?”_

“Yes John, the balcony…and you absolutely won’t believe this but, well…apparently I need to have the barriers inspected because he fell _onto_ it, and that section gave way…” She shook her head incredulously, burying her face in her hands.

“Are you serious?”

“Oh you just wait, that’s not all…I met Carson and Rodney on their way back from fishing…”

“So, McKay got reeled into it after all,” John said with a satisfied smirk.

“Yes John, stop interrupting…anyway they told me…” She shook her head again, grinding her forehead into her palms. Concern mixed with his amusement and he moved forward, stroking her hair reassuringly. She took a deep breath, letting it out in a heavy sigh and finally said, “They told me they spotted one of those whales that gave us trouble a couple weeks ago, and well…it had…a human arm in its mouth…”

Silence fell again for a very long moment, Elizabeth still with her face in her hands, John with an expression of absolute incredulity. He brought a hand to the back of his head awkwardly, casting around for something, anything to say. 

_“Who_ did you say this guy was again…?”

“Ugh, forget it…” she groaned in exasperation. “Well, if the IOA wanted a reason to remove me, they certainly have it now…”

“Well, the way I see it…you were defending yourself from a man’s inappropriate actions and well…he just met with some bad luck. Very, _very_ bad luck….” he added, brow furrowing slightly as he side-eyed the wall. 

She shook her head

“Somehow I don’t think they’re going to buy that.”

“Do they even know who this guy is? Does anyone? Look, I’m calling it as I see it, an unfortunate accident. Hey,” he added, placing a hand on her shoulder reassuringly. “it’s still our day off. Ya know, I was looking for you earlier, I thought maybe…wanna go to the beach? Perfect day to head to the mainland and kick back, drink some beer, watch the sunset? And oh,” he added with increasing excitement. “…the most important part, and you can’t say no to this…I’m teaching you how to surf. That’s my one condition.”

She found herself smiling, genuinely for the first time all day. “I’d really like that,” she said quietly, and he smiled back, pulling her in for a kiss.

“It’s a date, then. I’ll get my stuff…then we can stop at your place quick, you can grab that red bikini I like…”

“You’re going to have to be more specific…” She grinned, lifting an eyebrow.

“Seriously? Do you ever _not_ wear red?”

“Mhmm…sometimes,” she murmured in his ear, quirking an eyebrow again. Immediately catching her meaning, he pulled her into an aggressive kiss, fingers hooking into her shirt as he started to pull it off.  


“Thought you wanted to go surfing,” she whispered teasingly when they broke apart to catch their breaths, her shirt discarded on the floor and bra quickly following as he unhooked it and let it fall.

“Hmm, I think that can wait,” he ground out, pulling her into another deep kiss, and she smiled to herself as the heat continued to flood her; perhaps this Sunday wasn’t so bad after all.

_End_

*

**Author's Note:**

> My apologies to anyone I’ve involved in this frivolity. Except for Mike Branton, because fuck him.


End file.
